Mother’s Day

Yesterday was a wonderful Mother’s Day. After waking up with coffee and yoga, and opening a gift from my husband (a 3 record Bob Dylan Rolling Thunder Revue set) we went over to our oldest daughters house for a Mother’s Day brunch. There were 13 of us: two daughters; two son in laws; five granddaughters; and one of my son in law’s parents. We hung out for the whole day, eating, drinking, watching the kids play, taking a long walk around the neighborhood. I also spent a long time time chatting with my two sons, one in Chicago, one in Rhode Island. I’ll be seeing them soon also. Thursday my husband and I are getting on a plane for the first time in one and a half years and flying to Chicago. This summer we will fly to the East Coast. It’s a special kind of happiness to spend your day like that, a deep contentment that feeds your soul for a long time afterwards.

The day was especially sweet in contrast to the situation a year ago. We did spend the day together, but under a lot more constriction and tension. An in person celebration was at my request, the only gift I wanted. None of the farce of Zoom. But getting together required negotiation. Was everybody comfortable with this violation of “shelter at home”, the most bizarre definition of illicit behavior I could possibly conceive of? They were, but in varying degrees. We needed to stay outside and fortunately the weather cooperated, warm, sunny, and beautiful. We ate foods that didn’t need to be shared–mini quiches, rolls, and the like, which struck me as ridiculous (and was later proven to be so), but whatever. We didn’t touch–except for one stolen hug at the end.

The lockdown –which was supposed to “flatten the curve”–was a failure. There was no discrimination between legitimately high risk situations (congregate living settings, large indoor gatherings requiring travel, crowded bars, etc)and small personal get togethers. Virtually nothing was done in that three months and the endless “stage one opening” that followed–to alter societal institutions or medical practice to get a handle on the pandemic. In the winter we were hit by a way worse surge and an even more draconian incursion into our personal social interactions. Meanwhile incredible economic and psychological damage was done which will take years to work our way out of.

Now, thanks to the vaccines, some build up of natural immunity, and hopefully more science outweighing panic (adequate ventilation, anyone?), we are on our slow way out of this disaster.

But I didn’t think of any of this yesterday. I was just in the moment. Be happy.

It’s Always 9/11: My Little Dark Rose

Over the past fourteen months of lockdown, homeless camps have multiplied throughout the city, wherever there is available space. You might say they’ve multiplied like a virus. They line the freeways, border our city parks, and pimple our streets. The other day I saw a tent right in the middle of Hawthorne Avenue.

My husband and I have been photographing these camps, in the hope of raising awareness. They are occupied during the day, with people scratching out their existence. There are babies in these camps. Artwork. Barbecue grills and laundry hanging to dry. People become homeless for all sorts of reasons. Drug addiction, mental illness, job loss, family issues. Whatever the reason, as a society we are failing these fellow human beings.

The contrast between wealth and poverty deepens, in a manner we arrogantly associate with Third World countries. In our Irvington neighborhood contractor’s trucks line the streets as people take advantage of the pandemic slowdown to renovate their homes. Meanwhile, a few blocks away, “home” consists of a tent. Or maybe a blanket in a storefront. People hide away in their homes when there are so many who do not have one. We are taking these pictures and posting them on Instagram to bring these camps, and their residents into the open. Only when see these neighbors as ourselves, and not as “the other”, will we begin to get a grip on this complex problem and begin to change things.

When I was fifteen visiting Portland a guy told me that Portland was “the spiritual center of the universe”. It took awhile to get back here. When we moved to Portland in 1992 it felt like an overgrown college town to our New Yorker eyes. Counterculture coexisted with rednecks. Downtown was sparkling clean. The future “Pearl District” was home to warehouses, artists, and heroin addicts. If you wanted a good meal you went a hotel or the Ringside Steak House. By the 2000’s Portland had become Portlandia, trendy restaurants opened every week, and luxury condos sprouted in the Pearl. Now Portlandia has fallen on hard times. It is still the spiritual center of the universe in my heart. Portland will rise again, when this lockdown ends and we get some innovative, responsible leadership. It won’t be Portlandia. It will be something different, hopefully someplace more diverse, more inclusive, more humane. In the meantime let me quote the lyrics that keep running through my head from Portland songwriter Casey O’Neill, which say it so much better than I can:

Steel bridge at sundown walking along over the poisoned water

Skyline of the city covered in grey fog

We’ve seen the seasons come and go

The clouds roll in, storm by storm

The people flood in on a great migration

Give me destruction

Sharpen the edge

Let me walk on shattered glass

Down Belmont and 10th

Out to our western hills and east out to the mountain

Blooming in the valley

My little dark rose

My little dark rose

Shine darkness shine

Shine darkness shine

Standing on the steel bridge in the drizzle and the grey

I hear music on each side of me and I sing its refrain

It’s the sound of Greg Sage, turn up “the Chill Remains”

Dead Moon lighting a fire in the western world

No matter where I run to or how far I stray

I will always return to you, nestled in your thorns

And somewhere in the numbers in an old man bar

Are the ones who won’t forsake you

My little dark rose

My little dark rose

It’s Always 9/11: Stability Maintenance

I’m reading an interesting article in the April 12 New Yorker about China’s crackdown on its Central Asian ethnic minorities–which is strangely pertinent to our situation here in Portland. I quote:

“As the 2008 Olympics approached, Chinese authorities became obsessed with the concept of weiwen, or “stability maintenance”–intensifying repression with a ferocity…the Party was a captive of its own delusions: by overestimating the chance of an imminent societal rupture, it had become blind to the root causes of discontent. Reflexive crackdowns designed to eliminate a “phantom of instability”…would lead to a downward spiral of repression and unrest, which could bring about the very collapse that had been feared all along.”

Sound familiar? Mayor Wheeler (with the assist of Governor Brown) is so obsessed with “stability” (aka “law and order”) and overestimating the danger of minor disruptions and vandalism, that he is blind to the racism, economic inequity, isolation and depression that leads to this unrest. By continuing his repressive rants and actions, he is propelling Portland towards the very social and economic collapse he fears.

Totalitarianism does not belong to any part of the right/left spectrum. Totalitarianism happens when society is dominated by people who think their way is the only way, and dismiss any dissent as sociopathic. Hannah Arendt, in her Origins of Totalitarianism, notes that totalitarianism is not complete when conformity is imposed from above, ie by the police. It only becomes complete when the people become their own police. No wonder Wheeler is dissatisfied with tear gas, rubber bullets, flash bangs and “kettling” ( a technique borrowed from the SS). By asking the general populace to “unmask” the protesters (see my previous post, “Unmask the Rioters”) he is taking us wittingly or unwittingly down another step towards totalitarianism. We’ve come a long way–down–from “keep Portland weird”.

It’s Always 9/11: Extreme Stupidity

Not to be outdone by the clueless Mayor Wheeler, our clueless Governor Brown has now placed Multonomah County (along with adjoining Clackamas and Washington counties) under an “extreme risk “alert, once again shuttering indoor restaurants and gyms, along with a host of other restrictions we thought we were done with.

To say the county is under a state of “extreme risk” is like saying Portland is under a state of emergency. What is true is that Oregon is one of a minority of states showing a spike in Covid cases (nationally we have seen a 14% decrease). This spike is almost exclusively among unvaccinated people and the vaccination campaign is proceeding well. While I was initially dubious, real life data is showing all three vaccines to be largely safe and effective at nearly eliminating moderate to severe disease and transmission.

Oregon has been one of the most locked down states in the nation, with one of the lowest rates of infection, and little herd immunity. It is understandable that when the prison doors are opened a crack, rates will go up somewhat.I repeat, the prison doors have been opened a crack. The indoor mask mandate is still in place. There are still serious limits on large gatherings, indoor and outdoor, and institutions that are slowly returning to “normal” are long way from there, given the strict protocols for their operation. Unvaccinated people still need to exercise caution, and after over a year of this, some may not be. They may be traveling to see family and friends they have not seen in over a year, getting out to the dentist and hair salon, maybe having a few indoor parties they shouldn’t.

Since the vaccine is clearly working what is clearly the wise course is to intensify the vaccination campaign. All adults are now eligible for the vaccine. Governor Brown should be concentrating her efforts on making sure enough vaccine is available (including the Johnson and Johnson) and facilitating vaccination for those who may be having trouble making appointments or getting to a site. A pro vaccine advertising campaign would be a good idea as well as emphasizing the clear health and lifestyle benefits for those who are vaccinated.

Instead we have more clamping down and scaremongering. I intend (as a vaccinated person and a free citizen) to make my own decisions on a personal level as to what is safe and what is not. However, businesses do not have that luxury. A restaurant who made it through the pandemic year and has now reopened– ordering food and drink, rehiring, making infrastructure investments, paying rent–now must accept another blow. The same goes for gyms and other small businesses. Are Brown and Wheeler trying to drive all these businesses and the people they employ into the ground? My yoga studio, after holding out for about nine months, is now out of business. The once lively shopping strip where it stood is empty. This scenario is repeated throughout the city. Did it occur to Brown and Wheeler that the poverty and desperation around Portland might be one of the drivers of the Covid spike?

Science clearly indicates that ventilation is one of the major factors in Covid spread, if not the main one, and a recent MIT study indicates that social distancing indoors is “hygiene theater”. Instead of closing indoor spaces, why not require certain ventilation standards (just like plumbing and electric have to be up to code) and open windows? And please tell me why windowless big box stores like Home Depot are allowed to stay open and small restaurants and gyms with ready access to outdoor air have to close?

But, hey, why ask for logic ?

It’s Always 9/11: Not Such an Introvert

I’ve always thought of myself as an introvert. I hate small talk and networking. I never remember people’s names. When entering a large gathering my default behavior is always to down an alcoholic beverage before wading into the crowd. I enjoy solitary pursuits: writing, gardening, cooking, crafts, hiking. Every personality test I’ve ever taken brands me an introvert. My Myer-Briggs personality type is the rare INFP, and because of that, a column called “Introvert Dear” appears on my email feed. Lately, I’ve received a series of articles on how I’ve probably secretly liked our year plus of quarantine, and how difficult it will be to re-integrate into an open society.

What a bunch of baloney!

Thing is, I may be an introvert but I love people. My quarantine experience has driven this home. In one important way I have been lucky. I like solitary pursuits but in conjunction with other people, everyone doing their creative projects separately but in close proximity, getting together for meals, walks, the evening. Fortunately my husband and I have done just that. Also, we have maintained a family bubble, seeing family members “not in our household” on a regular basis. I cannot imagine how desperately lonely it has been for people who live alone or who followed the “expert” advice to isolate from their family members. In other ways the enforced isolation of the past year has been very painful.

I might not like to chat up everyone at a party but I love to host them. I love when a party is up and running, everyone eating and drinking and interacting, listening to the buzz. I like loud and crazy family gatherings, and surprise guests. I may not love small talk but I miss the minor interactions that bespeak community: chatting with neighbors, with everyone at the yoga studio. I miss the energy of large crowds with a shared focus, people smiling, sharing a bond that is evident whether you know each other or not. I miss live music with a tangible hunger. I like the buzz of a busy city street at night. I like to smile at people I pass on the sidewalk. I like spontaneity and freedom and surprise interactions. Every time someone pulls up their mask as they near me, every time we do a social distancing dance darting away from each other, I feel a twinge in my stomach. I feel lessened, somehow. It’s a constant hum of stress that eats at my soul. I have found that when I do get in a conversation with someone, it’s hard to stop. The words keep pouring out.

Slowly, slowly the constraints are loosening, and I feel no discomfort whatsoever. INFJ or not, untie the ropes and I’m out and running.

It’s Always 9/11: “Unmask” the rioters?

Ted Wheeler, our delightful mayor, has been on a roll lately. He declared a “State of Emergency” after the (guilty) Derek Chauvin verdict, which he extended through the weekend. A state of emergency gives him the right to declare curfews and call in the National Guard, among other powers. It should be reserved for just that–an emergency, such as an earthquake. By diluting the term , he’s exerting a pathetic grab for power, and lessening any power his statements or actions might carry in a genuine emergency.

Wheeler urged residents to “unmask” rioters, an ironic remark for someone that’s repeatedly urged all of us to mask up every time we leave the house. But then our delightful mayor is remarkable for his cluelessness. “They want to burn, they want to bash, the want to intimidate, they want to assault”, he whined. He urged the citizens of Portland to report any suspected rioters to the police.

The black clad anarchists have been around for the twenty-eight years I’ve lived in Portland, causing their minor bits of trouble, and until last year they were the only ones wearing masks. They’re not super focused in their politics, they like to show up at any demonstration and disrupt. They are, after all, anarchists. Over the past year, their profile has increased for some obvious reasons. The Black Lives Matter movement showcased the increasing militarization of the police force, and the arrival of the Feds last summer truly brought it home. Much of Portland’s population, especially young people, found their lives seriously limited. Tens of thousands lost their jobs. Others found their high school and college educations on hold, their future seriously uncertain. They could not even gather casually with their friends. Day after day we were isolated, told to huddle in our homes. The only opportunity to gather with others, to express a degree of passion, and frustration, and anger, was in the protests. I would not throw a rock through a window, but there was many a warm empty summer night last year when I felt angry enough to do so.

Which brings up another point. The empty streets. Do you think for a minute that if that Starbucks on 23rd St was full of people lounging on the couches and sipping coffee, if people were eating in the cafes or coming down from the West Hills to buy an ice cream and take in the evening air, that even black clad anarchists would throw a rock through the glass? Empty streets make for trouble.

And what on earth is this garbage about reporting suspected rioters? Even in kindergarten I despised snitches and tattletales. It would take a pretty bad offense–armed robbery, say, or sexual assault– for me to report the perpetrators to any authority, and believe me, a broken window or graffiti isn’t it.

If Mayor Wheeler is so concerned about his city he might direct his attention to the cities of homeless that line our open spaces and highways, including families, as bad as any third world country. He might direct his attention to the ugly and unsanitary piles of garbage, to the boarded up windows, the empty storefronts, the dashed dreams of so many, the lonely people behind their closed doors.

It’s Always 9/11: Perspective

We’ve had a run of beautiful warm sunny days–an early taste of summer–and to celebrate my husband and I went out to the beach for a long weekend. It was gorgeous. Crystal clear. Magical. Hikes through old growth forest and on the beach and through old growth forest abutting the beach.

Adding to the sense of release and relaxation was the lack of internet. I was not constantly clicking on alarming headlines seemingly designed to keep Americans in a constant state of fear–and to increase profit margins I guess. Nothing about double masking or variants or extremely rare side effects of the vaccines or riots or shootings or anything else supposed to keep us trembling in homes. I missed seeing our wonderful Mayor Wheeler declare a totally unneccessary “state of emergency” allowing him to deputize police officers and declare curfews EVEN AFTER the Derek Chauvin guilty verdict. Flowers were blooming, birds singing, children laughing in the surf.

And now we are back home re-energized. Plenty to be upset and concerned about, the exponentially multiplying homeless camps for one, but I’ve got some perspective. Plenty to pay attention to. But also plenty of noise out there to dismiss.

It’s Always 9/11: Robert F Kennedy, JR

Today I’m going to take the easy way out and quote, because these words from Robert F. Kennedy, JR are so spot-on:

“Dick Cheney used the 9/11 attack to launch his “long war” against amorphous terrorism and the Patriot Act abridgments that laid the groundwork for the modern surveillance state.

Now the medical cartel and its billionaire Big Tech accomplices have invoked the most potent, frightening enemy of all–the microbe.

And who an blame them? Increasing the wealth and power of the oligarchy is seldom a potent vessel for populism. Citizens accustomed to voting for their governments are unlikely to support policies that make the rich richer, increase political and social control by corporations, diminish democracy and reduce their civil rights.

So demagogues must weaponize fear to justify their demands for blind obedience and to ensure public acquiescence for the demolition of civil and economic rights.

Of course, the first casualty must always be freedom of speech. After stoking sufficient panic against the hobgoblin du jour, robber barons need to silence protest against their wealth and power grabs.”

Fourteen years old when his father was assassinated after winning the California primary in 1968, Kennedy Jr. went on to an illustrious career as an environmental lawyer, handling cases ranging from corporate malfeasance, the cleanup of the Hudson River, protecting family farms, and promoting organic farming methods and access to healthy foods. He is also well known as an advocate of the theory that certain childhood vaccines may lead to autism and has recently raised doubts as to the safety of the mRNA covid 19 vaccines. This has led to him being labeled as a “conspiracy theorist”.

I do not personally think there is much evidence supporting the vaccine/autism link. While I do not believe any vaccines are without risk and that children may be getting too many vaccines these days, I think the benefit of the majority of these vaccines outweigh the considerable dangers posed by once common childhood scourges such as diphtheria, polio, and measles. While I agree that the covid vaccines have been inadequately tested, again I think their risks are outweighed by both the danger of severe cases of Covid and the extreme social and economic disruption caused by the pandemic shutdown.

However, I don’t think that just because someone might be mistaken about one issue that means that they can’t be correct about a multitude of others. And I don’t think that just because someone supports a theory outside of conventional wisdom (or the “wisdom” sold to us by the corporate oligarchy ) that makes them a crackpot conspiracy theorist.

“Believing in science” starts with an open mind. I would suggest heeding Kennedy’s words here.

It’s Always 9/11: You hold the key to love and fear all in your trembling hand

It’s spring. It can’t be legislated, it’s just the way of the world. Days are lengthening. New plants are pushing their green shots through the ground. Last year my zoom yoga instructor referred to our pandemic spring as “so beautiful and so sad”. Now we have another spring, just as beautiful, and I am tired as hell of sad.

Time to push up and out and around. Our essential workers are finally getting the vaccinations they deserve. In less than two weeks vaccinations will be available for all adults. Yet the scare factory is still working overtime. A few of their favorite tropes:

THE VARIANT–sounds like a horror movie, doesn’t it? Fact is, viruses mutate. All DNA mutates. Virus DNA mutates more frequently than human because they are a primitive life form and replicate so fast. At least 10 variants of the covid coronaviruses were circulating in Wuhan before they spread across the world. Some mutations can strengthen their host, most weaken it. We will always have variants; to hold this out as a bogeyman is to propose a never-ending pandemic world. The likelihood is that Covid 19 will mutate eventually into nothing more severe than a common cold. So why are we freaking out about variants? Most studies have shown that the current vaccines are holding up against the most potent of the current variants, also that human antibodies (from the vaccine or prior infection) can fight them off.

NOT EVERYBODY WANTS THE VACCINE–Nope. Not everyone does. That’s the consequence of living in a free world where people are in control of their own bodies. However, if people see that vaccination is safe, AND leads to not only protection from covid but the return of normal freedoms, they are a lot more likely to get the shot. Private entities–sports stadiums and music venues, say– are more than welcome to require proof of vaccination for entry if they choose.

CASES ARE ON THE RISE! —Yeah, because currently only a minority of the population is vaccinated, especially those essential workers and others likely to be out and about in less isolated situations. You can’t open up a locked down society and not expect a temporary rise in positive cases. The key is getting the vaccines out efficiently and equitably and maintaining precautions such as masking until that time. ( However, I will note that so far, states that have relaxed these protocols are not showing higher spike in cases than more regulated ones.)

We have spent way too long letting fear be society’s driver. Corny as it sounds, could we make a minor attempt to all get together (in the real world) and love one another?

It’s Always 9/11: All or Nothing

It’s tempting. How could it not be? The opportunity to travel, to go to a concert, the movies, a restaurant. It’s been 14 months, I’m fully vaccinated, and despite the scaremongering, severe covid cases are way down since their winter peak.

Yet all these “openings” come with a list of qualifications a mile long. Masks, social distancing, hand sanitizing, you know the drill. I’ve become inured to these precautions when I run necessary errands over the past year and see the rationale for continuing them until most of the population is vaccinated and the infection rate continues to drop.

Fun activities are a different story. For all the media attempts to paint the mask as a new fashion accessory, the fact is that its uncomfortable, damp and sweaty, and one year in, makes me feel like I’m suffocating. It is hard to be heard and hard to hear others; difficult to recognize facial expressions. Social distancing is awkward and feels…unsociable.

Do I really want to eat indoors at a restaurant when I need to pop a mask on every time the (masked) server approaches? Do I want to watch a movie in a mask, or attend a sports event in a mask? In my last blog (Free to Pee) I described what passed for a “concert” at a local theater: masks, distancing, no refreshments, no access to the bathroom. We took a pass and had a great time at home listening to the same performer on CD–maskless, dancing, drinking wine, and free to pee.

Yesterday I read that Greece is now open for American travel. Greece is one of my favorite countries. Problem is, sure you can fly there, but once you arrive you have to social distance and wear a mask. I’m trying to imagine how that would work in a warm and exuberant country like Greece, where, let’s just say, social distancing is not part of the culture. Do you lie on your beach chair in a mask? Sit in an outdoor cafe (tables six feet away from each other) in a mask? How do you navigate cities and archaeological sites? And that’s not including the covid test you’d need to take and possible quarantine requirements upon arrival back home.

Any venture into the outside world comes with some risk. A lot of these protocols are no more than psychological props that allow people to feel like they are mitigating that risk. Covid viruses can travel way further than six feet in an indoor, poorly ventilated situation and putting on a mask when you go to the bathroom or in between munching on popcorn isn’t going to protect you. Travel always increases the risk of getting ill. I am willing to take on these risks, as the cost of living a full life, especially now that I am vaccinated, but not in this half assed manner. I’ll go to a concert when I can stand at the rail side by side with everyone and breathe freely, thank you. I’ll travel abroad when travel is once again synonymous with freedom and adventure.

Meanwhile, I’ll enjoy some long delayed pleasures where the payback is well worth the risk. We are flying to Chicago to visit our son, who we have not seen in a year and a half. We will visit our other son in New York this summer where he has an internship, and catch up with East Coast friends and relatives in the process. We will dine in outdoor restaurants and when we meet up with our friends we will hug them.